How To Win Sit'n'Gos: Part I |
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Posted Mon Apr 11, 2005 12:24 pm GMT by yeltzen
Okay, since people are always asking questions about how to win Single Table Tourneys, I figured I would post my guide to help you get in the money consistently. In Part I, I'll focus on playing the big hands - AA, KK, QQ, and AK.
Playing AA: Obviously AA is the best starting hand in Texas Hold'em. Because you will win every time with it, you need to SLOWPLAY. There's no sense in getting a 1 in 220 hand and only winning the blinds with it. Limp in and try to suck in 5 or 6 callers. If you are in early position after the flop, you will want to check and goad other players into betting and then call them. If a really bad flop comes that no one is very likely to hit, such as 9  10 J and somebody bets, they are probably trying to steal and you should raise them all in. You are playing on the internet which means that the people you are playing against are capable of using the computer and logging online so they are intelligent and would not be playing cards lower than a Q!!! If you are in late position and you are checked too, this means that the people you are playing against are stupid and are playing bad cards and you should check behind them and give them a chance to make a garbage hand that you will put them all in with.
If you happen to hit another A on the flop, YOU HAVE THE ABSOLUTE NUTS AND YOU SHOULD NOT PUSH PEOPLE OUT OF THE POT!!!!!! Instead, let them all bluff at the hand and just call their bets to the river. On the turn, if a scare card comes (like the K  in our example) you will want to take control of the hand. Your opponents have probably made a pair of kings and will GIVE YOU ACTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SO TAKE ADVANTAGE!@@@@ On the river, you should be ready to go all in no matter what comes up. If your opponent somehow managed to win the hand, type "NICE SUCKOUT FAG" in the chat window and click "Post Blind & Fold" and take a 10 minute break before coming back. You just suffered a bad beat and you need to calm down.
Playing KK: You should be very cautious when playing KK. This is only the second best hand in Hold'em, so its value is much less than AA! If there is significant action before the flop, DO NOT CALL!!!!!!!!!!! GET OUT BEFORE YOU FIND YOURSELF AGAINST ACES!!!!!! If there is not much action, just limp in. You do not want to raise and find someone slowplaying ACES!!!!!!!! If there is a K on the flop, YOU JUST GOT LUCKY AND YOU WILL PROBABLY WIN TEH HAND!!!!!!!! However, you should play slowly because all it takes is an A on the turn to RUIN YOUR CHANCES AGAINST AA SLOWPLAYING ASSHOELS!!!!!!! Players w/ AA will NOT FOLD TO YOUR RAISE ON TEH FLOP SO DO NOT RISK IT!!!!!!! If the turn is safe (like a 2  ), you will likely win they hand so you should try to suck more players into the pot!!!!!
If you don't get a K on the flop, then you are IN TROUBLE!!!!! Most people play pocket pairs so you are usually up against a set!!!!!!!!! If there was no raising preflop, BE VERY CAUTIOUS CAUSE THIS USUALLY MEANS SOMEONE IS SLOWPLAYING A POCKET PAIR!!!!!!!! If there was raising preflop, you can be sure someone is playing garbage like AJ or AQ or KQ so you will be save on these flops!!!!! HOWEVER IF THERE IS AN A ON TEH FLOP AND NO K U MUST FOLD BECAUSE UR OPPONENTS WILL PLAY A-RAG THEY SUCK!!!!!! Do not let the hand get checked around by a slowplaying ass which will get you to see the turn which may make you think you are safe just fold outright before any trouble OCCURS!!!!!!!
Playing QQ and AK: I put these hands together because I cateogirisze them the same way: TRASH HANDS!!!!!! QQ is the THIRD BEST HAND!!!!!!!! Remember the old saying!? Third is the one in the polka-dot dress! Do you want to wear a dress?! BE VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY careful preflop with this hand because players w/ KK OR AA WILL SLOWPLAY AND RAISE U ALL IN IF YOU RAISE!!!! Although if you are on teh button you can raise 2X the big blind to intimidate opponents. Like KK make sure you just fold if a K or A shows up on the flop! Also, if a J shows up GET OUT BECAUSE USUALLY WHEN YOU HAVE A PAIR OF Qs SOMEONE HAS A PAIR OF Js IT JUST THE LAW OF AVERAGES!!!!!!!!! If you are a lucky fish and a Q comes on the flop RAISE LIKE CRAZY NO MATTER WHAT ELSE IS THERE!!!!!!! Even if you lose at least you still have 3 whores!
AK is just complete trash and only newbs play it cause they hear VVP call it "Big Slick - the real hand". You should usually fold preflop but if you really like VVP despite his brother banging Shana Hiatt you should always RAISE ALL IN PREFLOP!!!!!!! There is no reason to make a pussy raise and then cry when an A or K doesn't come preflop!!! If it's SUITED you can raise 9X the big blind but if it's unsuited always go all in! You want to see al teh cards so you have MAXIMUM OPPORTUNITY to hit your A or K!!!
Alright that's part I hope you enjoyed it part II will be up soon! Good luck in your SnGS!!!!!!!!!
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Posted Mon Apr 11, 2005 12:46 pm GMT by ForumJP
lol...for some reason when i was reading the post, the whole post was read in the voice of bill fillmaff~ 
Posted Mon Apr 11, 2005 12:48 pm GMT by yeltzen
| ForumJP wrote: | | lol...for some reason when i was reading the post, the whole post was read in the voice of bill fillmaff~ |
Hey, the people you are playing against in these SNGs are SUB-HUMAN RETARDS, and they need to realize this!
Posted Mon Apr 11, 2005 6:54 pm GMT by TheDudeChad
| yeltzen wrote: | Even if you lose at least you still have 3 whores!
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gahahahahhah
Also, if you ever happen to catch a full house, be sure to get on the phone with any member of the cast of Full House. Shortly after hanging up, scream "I got a full house, b****," kiss your cards, then say "BOATS FULL, WOO WOOOOOOOOOO." At any time during the celebration you may lay on your computer room furniture, preferably breaking it.
Posted Tue Apr 12, 2005 11:51 am GMT by cowtown
| Quote: | | Obviously AA is the best starting hand in Texas Hold'em. Because you will win every time with it, you need to SLOWPLAY. |
Lol!
I loved the if you hit an Ace on the flop you have the nuts and can't be beaten, lol.
Posted Tue Apr 12, 2005 1:56 pm GMT by slay2k
laff,
looking forward to part 2.
Posted Tue Apr 12, 2005 7:01 pm GMT by tame_deuces
Hey, I play AA like that!
Well, atleast the suckout part.
*whine*
Posted Wed Apr 13, 2005 3:05 pm GMT by age_of_sages
I played a guy last night that had to have read your advice Yeltzen.
He had AA and was UTG and I was BB. I had A2o, and everyone limped to me and I checked. Flop, everyone checked. Turn came ace... everyone checked. River made 3 to a flush, so i decided to bet and see if I could steal the pot, if not at least I still had top pair, AA boy, just called, and another guy raised, he hit a weak flush.
AA calls and the chips go to flush guy.
I checked out the hand history to see what everyone had (there were two other callers as well) and started laughing my head off when I saw that buddy was slowplaying his AA especially when he had the "unbeatable" set.
Posted Wed Apr 13, 2005 3:25 pm GMT by darthsikle
Best.Post.Ever.
Posted Sun Apr 17, 2005 4:09 pm GMT by age_of_sages
Ok, I've tried this theory in my SnG's and while it's good, it only gives you half the information you need to know. So I'd like to take the opportunity to expand upon yeltzen's invaluable advice.
First, suited cards. Why would ANYONE want to play suited cards??? They only give ONE chance at a flush. If your suit doesn't come up, say bye bye to your flush chances. Now a smart player would play only unsuited cards. By playing unsuited cards you get not one but TWO chances at a flush! You are essentially doubling your chances of winning any given hand.
Now lets move on to pocket pairs. Other than AA, KK, and QQ which are discussed above, pocket pairs are WAY overrated. Think about it, with a pocket pair, you only have two outs to improve to a set, not very good odds. But with any two NON-paired cards, you have SIX OUTS to improve to a set!!! Clearly a 300% better chance of hitting your set than pocket pairs. Also you have a better chance of hitting a straight as you have TWO different cards that can be used in a straight as opposed to one, but that is just common sense and hardly worth mentioning.
Ok, our next topic is connectors. Some people mistakenly think connectors with no gap or one gap such as 8 7 and 9 7 are better than connectors with bigger gaps, do not fall into this trap!!! Let's examine why, your odds of hitting two pair with any of these hands is higher than your odds of hitting a straight. So say you have 8 7 and the flop comes 8 7 5. Congratulations! you've just hit your two pair and you're worry free. But wait, being that you have hit your two pair with no gap connectors, your two pair now gives someone a very obvious straight opportunity and you won't be able to take advantage of this situation. So what is recommended is to play only TWO AND THREE GAPPED CONNECTORS. Not only do you still have your chance of hitting the straight, but when you hit your two pair you will be able to take full advantage of this situation as you won't have to worry about the straight near as much!
Our last topic that needs mentioning is what rank of cards you should be playing. Now everyone knows that cards of higher rank such as K Q are much stronger than cards of lower rank such as 6 5. So it would make sense to play primarily cards of higher rank as opposed to cards of lower rank right? NO, playing cards of primarily higher rank is dead wrong! I can not stress this enough. The reason for this is because EVERYONE else will only be playing their HIGHER RANK CARDS. So if you also only play your higher ranked cards, you will still have to worry that they'll have you beat with their higher ranked cards. The way to beat these players is to play primarily lower ranked cards. This way when you hit your cards you will be THE ONLY ONE IN THE POT WHO HAS HIT!!! You will then proceed to take down many many pots by using this strategy alone.
So in summary you want to be playing: Unsuited two-three gapped lower rank cards
This all adds up to your best hand you can possibly get preflop after AA, KK and QQ is.....
7 4 offsuit.
You should be going all-in with this hand 100% of the time and you win the majority of the time.
In closing, I'd wish you good luck at the tables, but with this system in place, you will no longer have to rely on luck, so go out there and start kicking some ass!
I take no responsibilty for anyone's losses and cannot be proven to even have written this post
Posted Sun Apr 17, 2005 4:18 pm GMT by Geno
Yeltzen dude, you have WAY too much time on your hands 
Posted Sun Apr 17, 2005 7:25 pm GMT by ChkDeezNuts
This is one of the best posts ever written...but you forgot one hand......
Q J
It is a monster.......I recommend that you always raise with it in any position at least 5 X the BB and when you are faced with strength by a re-raise...always call the raise and try to hit your straight flush...it will usually be the nuts.
Yeltzen....how do you recommend that you play medium pairs?
This is going to be fun.
:D
Posted Mon Apr 18, 2005 6:10 am GMT by Idaho
| ChkDeezNuts wrote: | | Yeltzen....how do you recommend that you play medium pairs? |
Well I don't know about him, but in late position I prefer to throw them away, especially if there hasn't been a raise. I mean what's the point of getting involved in a small 5 way pot with a pair of 8's? (Unless of course you are playing for the four-card flush on the board - then your 8's turn into a really deceptive hand that absolutely no-one will be able to put you on).
Now if there has been a raise then you need to be super aggressive. You ideally want to be heads up. If someone re-raises you - BINGO! - you've just trapped them. You should fully expect them to turn over one of the sucker hands mention at the beginning of the first post - KK, QQ, etc.
The only risk you have is if they have AA. And seeing as very few people ever get it you shouldn't worry. And if they do have it - you still have an excellent chance of catching a flush or straight to beat them.
Posted Mon Apr 18, 2005 1:11 pm GMT by zeroswarm
Posted Mon Apr 18, 2005 2:51 pm GMT by Dias
man...
Im just waiting for someone to come along and post arguing this thread....totally missing the point of course...
Cuz I know it will happen....hehe
Posted Tue Apr 19, 2005 5:45 am GMT by Cyberhwk
| Quote: | | If your opponent somehow managed to win the hand, type "NICE SUCKOUT FAG" in the chat window |
This part was my fav.
Posted Mon May 29, 2006 12:16 am GMT by crack
A bit of gravedigging I know, but this was brilliant.
Posted Mon May 29, 2006 10:07 am GMT by Icec0o1
| Dias wrote: | man...
Im just waiting for someone to come along and post arguing this thread....totally missing the point of course...
Cuz I know it will happen....hehe |
I won't do that but I'll argue the comedic value of it. I'd say it's allright but it doesn't deserve the response it got. It's overdone with a little 'too childish' sprinkled on top.
Or maybe the guys I play homegames with are true comidians because, no offense, I've heard much better.
Posted Mon May 29, 2006 10:15 am GMT by zinn0
You obviously have no appreciation for the author.
Posted Mon May 29, 2006 11:03 am GMT by tame_deuces
Yeltzen is a legend.
Posted Mon May 29, 2006 11:33 am GMT by Geno
| tame_deuces wrote: | | Yeltzen is a legend. |
In his own special way, he was a legend. I almost miss him.
Posted Mon May 29, 2006 12:42 pm GMT by crack
I was looking back at his posts at 6am this morning lolling to myself. Indeed he was a legend in his own special way now you look back on it.
Posted Mon May 29, 2006 1:43 pm GMT by jonesyb
he's banned? but this is hilarious. how can he be banned?
Posted Mon May 29, 2006 1:54 pm GMT by zinn0
I'm pretty sure he asked to be banned. When I say 'asked', I mean he literally asked Fat T to ban him. Am I close on this guys?
Posted Mon May 29, 2006 2:59 pm GMT by crack
Something to do with a porn link I think someone said.
Posted Thu Sep 14, 2006 1:16 pm GMT by ye1tzen
Wow... I ran across this in google:
"how to be a spammer"
I had to see the original.
What in God's name was I on!
Don't answer that.
Posted Thu Sep 14, 2006 1:22 pm GMT by ye1tzen
Oh yeah, there are ads on that site, my bad.
The point is that someone actually turned my OP into a "poker article". They must have been doing better crack than me.
Posted Thu Sep 14, 2006 1:26 pm GMT by vyni
It was removed as there was no article there at all: following the link was to a page of nothing but banners/ads. Not that the presence of an article would change anything.
Posted Thu Sep 14, 2006 2:36 pm GMT by Fat Tony
| zinn0 wrote: | | I'm pretty sure he asked to be banned. When I say 'asked', I mean he literally asked Fat T to ban him. Am I close on this guys? |
Remember he had the text url in his signature? Well when the rules got changed and this was no longer allowed, he changed it to a working link to be a smart-ass. When Geno or I would remove the url in his signature he would keep replacing it. (this happened at LEAST three times that I know about) Finally I pm'd him to please stop with the signature urls as it was against the rules blah, blah. He then decided it would be a good idea to put a porn link in his signature instead at which point I banned him. Unfortunately, he didn't really leave us any other option other than to ban.
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