Dumbest thing you have heard at the table... |
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Posted Tue Jan 17, 2006 4:44 pm GMT by stevo
This weekend, someone said, "... as the blinds go up, they become more valuable". He was trying to say it was worth it to try to steal in position when the blinds were up, but it just came out way, way, wrong...
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Posted Tue Jan 17, 2006 4:59 pm GMT by UrAteUp
I posted this in another section. I think this might qualify. This was a final hand I played in an SNG last night. I was delt A7o. Flop comes A75 rainbow. I check and so does the other player. Turn card is an A. Donk bets and I raise. He came over the top of me. I re-raise and he goes all-in. When he did that I was thinking "The poker gods do so love me. I must be their only begotten son." I make the call and catch a bevvy of curse words thrown in my direction. The donk says what kind of player slow plays a full house?
Posted Tue Jan 17, 2006 5:12 pm GMT by waterman
someone once got pissed at me for filling up on the river after they caught their flush on the turn, telling me i hit a two outer. i didn't even feel like filling her in on her bad odds calculating. i had PP 6's and hit a 6 on the flop, so i had 10 outs by my math on the turn. she can continue thinking that her whole life for all i care.
Posted Tue Jan 17, 2006 9:00 pm GMT by Rocko4
"Can you please please show me what you had?"
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 2:44 am GMT by xDiamond_CutteRx
"Dude ur so an idiot raising with aces" (this was in 7 stud, but even so...)
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 3:58 am GMT by conolly
"am i blind?" - constantly from same person in home games where the button deals.
"check" "your not bb" "o ok I'll raise"
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 5:24 am GMT by Muck
| conolly wrote: | | "check" "your not bb" "o ok I'll raise" |
Similar:
"Fold"
"You're the BB?"
Live MMT (before I stopped giving advice at the table):
Guy-Damn it, quit raising! I wish you weren’t sitting there.
Me- Explanation of why it’s best to have the LAG to your immediate right.
Guy-So you’ve actually read a book on poker?
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 9:11 am GMT by charles_keloid
My friend was having a really bad game, he just couldn't get a good hand. after a while he got a hand, and let out a hissing "yesssssssss".
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 9:23 am GMT by tutubird
Me:" I have a set"
Player: " I have a straight"
...
...
...
Me: "How?"
Player: " You idiot, J Q K A 2"
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 10:06 am GMT by charles_keloid
| tutubird wrote: | Me:" I have a set"
Player: " I have a straight"
...
...
...
Me: "How?"
Player: " You idiot, J Q K A 2" |
lol 
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 10:08 am GMT by madmark27
| tutubird wrote: | Me:" I have a set"
Player: " I have a straight"
...
...
...
Me: "How?"
Player: " You idiot, J Q K A 2" |
Somewhat similar to you Tutu:
Me: Flush
Bro-in-law: straight (5,6,7,8,...)
Me: huh?
Bro-in-law: you can use four cards. It's called a small straight.
Me: That's Yatzee, you idiot.
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 10:40 am GMT by UrAteUp
Oh man some of these are just too dang funny.... . Come on folks pop some more up here.
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 11:10 am GMT by Soup_dog
Oh man. I kept getting ready to reply to one and saying how funny it was... then I would read the next one. Classic.
I LOVE the yahtzee comment.
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 12:09 pm GMT by madmark27
You can't make this stuff up. That's what's really funny.
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 1:24 pm GMT by xDiamond_CutteRx
I forgot this one in a live game... "Don't read Poker books; they'll make you play so terrible." (obviously this guy must have read Play Poker Like the Pros )
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 2:07 pm GMT by Dave B
"They call me Geno"
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 2:21 pm GMT by UrAteUp
| Dave B wrote: | | "They call me Geno" |
ZING!!!!!!! ....
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 2:22 pm GMT by tame_deuces
We had a guy playing on a little home re-buy tourney. He had played alot he claimed.
so two players get in an all-in situation close to the end. New guy has about 2 times the stack of his opponent.
New guy flips 99
Buddy flips 88
New guy freaks out: 'That's just so * typical of my luck!'
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 2:59 pm GMT by DougisRad
"I have three THP bracelets."
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 3:07 pm GMT by stevo
Tame, that reminds me of something one guy at our game says all the time... Preflop all-ins will come up QQ vs 1010 or AK vs A9. Guy always, without fail says, "Ok, it's a race...". Finally, one time that came up and he said, "It's a race" and I looked at him and said, "Yeah, it is a race, but this guy(the one with the low hand) hasn't made it to the track yet"!
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 3:36 pm GMT by tame_deuces
| stevo wrote: | | Tame, that reminds me of something one guy at our game says all the time... Preflop all-ins will come up QQ vs 1010 or AK vs A9. Guy always, without fail says, "Ok, it's a race...". Finally, one time that came up and he said, "It's a race" and I looked at him and said, "Yeah, it is a race, but this guy(the one with the low hand) hasn't made it to the track yet"! |
Nice one
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 4:15 pm GMT by supafrey
your obsession with me is getting kind of creepy, doug.
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 4:17 pm GMT by DougisRad
| supafrey wrote: | | your obsession with me is getting kind of creepy, doug. |
your obsession with me is getting kind of creepy, doug.
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 4:18 pm GMT by zinn0
Ok, I'm scared now.
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 4:18 pm GMT by supafrey
A minute and a half. That IS creepy.
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 4:19 pm GMT by DougisRad
| supafrey wrote: | | A minute and a half. That IS creepy. |
Only if you know why it took that long.
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 9:01 pm GMT by Cyberhwk
I do like the people that claim they were sucked out on when they were never ahead.
Me: A  K
Them: T  J 
Board: 7 9 K Turn: Q
But I think the best I've heard was some moldy oldie (70+) that was used to his home game 30 years ago. Sat down at a table of some pretty decent players, raised on everything. His $100 buy in was gone after five hands, so he reloads. Eventually someone decided to take advantage of it and check raised him (he had played every single hand and bet every single street).
Him: "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"
Table: "Uhhhhhh...why not?"
Him @ Dealer: "That's illegal isn't it?"
Dealer: "No, he can do that."
Him: "Ahhhh...THAT'S HORSES**T POKER!!!"
He dropped his $200 in about 3 orbits and was gone. Good times, good times!
Posted Wed Jan 18, 2006 10:42 pm GMT by cayouche
Guy: I have nothing... (shows A2, when board shows 345xx)
Me: Man, you've got a straight!!
Guy: So... the ace counts as 1 too???
Posted Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:18 am GMT by Cyberhwk
| cayouche wrote: | Guy: I have nothing... (shows A2, when board shows 345xx)
Me: Man, you've got a straight!!
Guy: So... the ace counts as 1 too??? |
...then let me guess, the guy gets pissed off that someone told him. 
Also, the same senile old fart in my last one got confused when two people flopped trips.
Oldie: J2 Player: AJ Board: JJ834
Oldie: "HEY!!! I HAD TRIPS!!!"
Dealer: "Yeah, he had higher trips though."
Oldie: "HOW MANY JACKS ARE IN THIS DECK?!?!?"
Dealer: "Four?"
Oldie: "THEN HOW CAN WE BOTH HAVE THREE JACKS? THAT'S SIX JACKS!"
Oh man this dude was funny.
Posted Thu Jan 19, 2006 9:56 am GMT by madmark27
| Cyberhwk wrote: | | Oldie: "THEN HOW CAN WE BOTH HAVE THREE JACKS? THAT'S SIX JACKS!" |
That's worth putting in sig. Very funny.
Posted Fri Jan 20, 2006 1:30 pm GMT by JohnnyCache
Guy says "Man, I had so many outs, I'd have broke you if I hit"
Other guy says "Yeah, and If grasshoppers had machine guns, birds would starve."
Posted Fri Jan 20, 2006 1:59 pm GMT by Loonbat
The dumbest thing:
"They were sooted" ... ad naseum
Or ...
"I declare war" (as seen on television, per Phil Hellmuth)
Posted Fri Jan 20, 2006 5:23 pm GMT by tutubird
This happened at New Years.
Me: A K Off
Board: A x x x  x
Bet pot size on flop and turn then we both check on he river,
Cousin: 9 8
" Man I was going for the flush..."
"....you have the flush"
Posted Fri Jan 20, 2006 5:47 pm GMT by Ninja
Just today, I saw flop of K83 all hearts, guy with K9o (no hearts) goes all-in against a guy with Ax both hearts, turn 9 of heartshe says "unbelieveable...9 outs, 29% chance". I said "no, actually he had 12 outs, and 9 outs would be a 35% chance." He says "you're an idiot and don't know outs, he had 9". I said "look up an odds calculator online".
Posted Sat Feb 11, 2006 2:04 pm GMT by WillBillMaff
After wining a pot with a pair of kings (me AKs him KJo) and cleaning him up..had that to say!!
elementZimm: i hate **** like that
me: like what?
elementZimm: winning with kickers
me: then go play blackjack dude
elementZimm: lol...ur funny
Posted Sat Feb 11, 2006 3:52 pm GMT by aaronw
I was playing once and I raised in EP with AQ and this joker reraises. I am getting a bit short stacked, so I go all-in. He flips over 9-2 offsuit.
Flop: A 4 Q
Turn: Q
and I dont remember what the river was, but the guy responds to my win by saying "your so lucky you won there"
Posted Sat Feb 11, 2006 5:26 pm GMT by JustinHEMI04
Just last night in a cash game I had... (these are stereotypical but I am still on tilt) 9 handed I am on the button with KK folded to me (unusual) and I think that I have no chance of picking up anything but the blinds. I make a standard 3x raise and the donk under the BB calls. Board is X22XX knowing this guy I checked the whole way down because I know he has a deuce and at show down I say YOUR 2 is good all I have is KK and he says "I have 72" I said I KNOW I JUST TOLD YOU YOUR 2 is GOOD. Then he procedes to give the stereotypical donk responses of I WAS IN THE BB AND THEY WERE SUITED.
Justin
Posted Sat Feb 11, 2006 7:17 pm GMT by Sean_in_NJ
| Icec0o1 wrote: | | You didn't have to call the 350 chips extra with your flush draw... |
This was on the flop with a 1400 pot, he's all in and I have the nut draw.
Posted Sat Feb 11, 2006 7:18 pm GMT by dstlvb
Free bar poker gives you some of the best stuff. EP player raises, another player goes all-in. A girl then calls the all-in. EP player throws 4000 stack of chips on the table to call(that had both players covered). Both players show there cards, girl does not afraid to give information if she loses. EP raises has AA, next guy has QQ. Flop 3,5,5,x,x. Girl flips up 3,3 and then says in her most sincere voice "I told you guys i could play". Then she grabbed all the chips on the table regardless of the fact that she didnt have that many chips.
Posted Sat Feb 11, 2006 8:35 pm GMT by Hungry4Knowledge
I had A-10 and raised 3x BB before the flop. I got called by an elephant (Calling station).
Flop: 2-3-7 I bet pot sized bet. He folds and shows A-7 (Top pair, Top kicker) I ask him: "Why you fold that?" He answers: "You guys has been going on about me being a calling station so i have started playing tight." I dont know if it sounds as funny when i tell you as it was, but it really was hallerius :D 10 mins later he got broke calling me down to the river with bottom pair.... Atleast he mixed up his play 
Posted Mon Feb 13, 2006 10:54 am GMT by golddog
Low-limit Omaha on-line. Two players who were obviusly familiar had been chatting back and forth, when player #2 gives this advice:
"You shouldn't bet after the flop. You should check to see where you're at and save those quarters for later."
I may have stolen some pots that night.
Posted Mon Feb 13, 2006 1:36 pm GMT by tame_deuces
| golddog wrote: | Low-limit Omaha on-line. Two players who were obviusly familiar had been chatting back and forth, when player #2 gives this advice:
"You shouldn't bet after the flop. You should check to see where you're at and save those quarters for later."
I may have stolen some pots that night. |
Priceless.
Posted Tue Feb 14, 2006 3:14 pm GMT by weirdofreek
I was playing a live game and caught AK, two players called my raise. Flop was AKx. Firs guy bets 2nd guy calls and Imove all in to try and eliminate one. Both guys call. First guy shows A7 second has A4. No threat from either. Turn 7 River 7. Guy sees i am steaming and tells me "2 pair is never good enough to bet all your money the only hands that can call have you beat" or something like that. shameful.
Posted Tue Feb 14, 2006 5:36 pm GMT by JohnnyCache
"I'm only gonna get called if I'm beat" is one of those horridly overused things, like, "I'm pot commited"
Posted Wed Feb 15, 2006 12:41 am GMT by Barry1219
This is at my usual live friday night game...way back when we first started getting a set of regulars...I was way out of position and had Ah9h..flop comes Jh 4h 4c...guy in front of button raises to $200...guy on button pauses...calls...comes around to me and I call for flush draw and decent pot odds...turn throws down 8h...I make my nut flush...I lead out with $400...guy in front of button announces "all-in"...as I am waiting for button to fold...and counting my chips the button says and I swear to god this is verbatim.."does a full house beat a flush?"....I choke on my coca~cola as he gets the "yes"...he calls all-in and I fold....he turns over Jc 4s...guy in front of button turns over Kh2h...lol...
Posted Wed Feb 15, 2006 1:13 am GMT by Diamonddave
I love when I hear.... I KNEW you had a set, or I KNEW you had the nuts but I had to call. I KNEW I was beat but I had to call... how much sense does that make?
Posted Wed Feb 15, 2006 3:26 am GMT by groton
the whole I knew Part
well most people's probaly have a Small Bit of Douat that they can be beat.
Posted Wed Feb 15, 2006 9:27 am GMT by BeerWench13
I've posted this elsewhere also, but the comment at the end had me crying with laughter.
Limit 7-stud MTT 3 tables of 8
I have 66 in the hole and an A showing. Bring in is 2 players to my left with a deuce. It folds around to the player to my right showing a 5 and he completes. I call and player to my left calls showing a Q. Bring-in folds.
Next card comes now righty is showing 59s, I'm showing A6 (I have trips now) and lefty is showing Q5o. I bet, both call.
Next cards Q59 (59 are suited), A6A, Q59. I bet, lefty folds and righty reraises. We go back and forth about 4 times and then he finally just calls.
Next cards showing Q592(592 are suited) & A6AQ. I bet, he reraises again and we go back and forth until he is all-in. I show my boat and he says "I can't believe you'd call me down with 3 suited cards showing. Weren't you worried about the flush?" I replied, "I had you at 'hello'. I was boated on 5th street. And, I didn't call you down. I was betting and raising."
He said......classic!!....."You don't play stud much do you?" 
Posted Wed Feb 15, 2006 9:45 pm GMT by jeff_lebowski
Me: KJ
Moron: J4
Cards on Table 8 9 10 A 7
Split Pot
Moron: Too bad kickers don't count. I hate that.
Posted Thu Feb 16, 2006 12:57 am GMT by xDiamond_CutteRx
I may have a new candidate...
There were 4 players left in a single Table Sng at Stars. Silksae had about 5k in chips when a ten high straight came on the board at the river, and another player bet 400 in a 400 chip pot. Silksae thought about it for over a minute (used his whole time bank) and then folded...
Turn_Prophet said, "there was a straight on the board"
silksae21 said, "yeah and hello??? all he needed was a J ...that so hard to believe?"
Turn_Prophet said, "for 400 im sorry, but you have to call"
silksae21 said, "or j-q"
silksae21 said, "thats 400 more that i would be giving the shortstack"
He has 5k chips and he's worried about the short stack? I'm sorry, but that's poor Poker.
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