I'm going through a really low point at the mo. |
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Posted Fri Apr 07, 2006 5:54 pm GMT by jimmer
I'm going through a really low point in my poker playing career.
95% of my poker is played online. I normally try and play around 20 hours a week, but at the mo thats down to between 5-8 (as my Mum's in hospital).
I've never been good at anything in life and have gone from job to job trying to find something i enjoy. Don't get me wrong, I have never given up and i am sure not a quitter. I've tried everything from Life-guarding and fitness instruction to accountancy and sales. However because I have never stayed with any one company for more than about a year, my wages have always been poor and I have, therefore, struggled financially.
Then I discovered poker. At first I played the micro small limits, but that soon progressed to the $1-$2, quickly followed by $2-$4 and now $5-$10. The only money I have ever invested is $40 and that was on day 1.
I really work hard at my game. I never play while under the Influence of alcohol, I always play cash games, (never torny's), i study the table and players carefully before choosing my seat (somethimes upto 2hours before hand). I then grade every player on ability, aggressiveness and also wheather they're tight or loose.
I then copy and paste everylosing hand (that i thought i should of won or played wrong), which i save to a spread sheet and study, hence to never make the same mistakes again. I am also interested in poker psychology-i am really interested in why people play the way they do and why/when they play differently.
For the first time in my life, I have a focus. I have something i enjoy, something i am reasonably good at and something where i am on a level par with everyone else. I play MY GAME, ON MY TERMS, MY WAY, AND MY WAY ONLY. I can't be bullied and no one can push me into a corner. I am in charge of my own destiney!
My problem is this: Admittedly, because my mum has been in hospital for the last 5 weeks i haven't played as much poker as i have wanted to, but when i do, i'm not enjoying it. I am sitting there for maybe 10-15 minutes and getting really bored. my mind starts to wonder and i end up playing a totally different game (you know.....the type of game that involves losing!). I've tried the play tables, just so i'm playing poker but not losing real money, but I soon find this boring aswell. I've also thought about playing a little omaha or stud, just to break the cycle.
the truth is i'm scared. i've worked hard to get where i am and all for what? What do i do now? the simple truth is, maybe i should take some time out the game, but what do i do instead?
I'm unsure why i'm telling you guys this. i'm unsure if i want advice or sympthony. surely i'm not the first person in the world to think the way i am? i'm hoping it's just a blip. maybe it's a reminder that poker's a tuff game?
I'm not really losing much of my bankroll, as since i have felt this way, i have reduced my stakes and play on the lower table limits.
Maybe I should work through it, or should i just walk away?
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Posted Fri Apr 07, 2006 6:30 pm GMT by TxShadow
I'm sorry that you are having to go through all of that with your mom being in the hospital. I don't know any details of course, but whatever it is, I'm sure it's not easy.
I don't think your problem is poker. When we have something in our life that is effecting us, it's hard for our focus to be anywhere else. Put what you are dealing with as your priority and do whatever it is that you need to do. It would be unrealistic to think that something like that isn't going to effect your hobby (which happens to be poker) or your job or whatever.
I don't know what's right for you, but if you aren't enjoying poker right now, then try to find something else to pass the time. Go work out, read a book, watch some movies, whatever.
You are definately not the only person that would react this way, don't think that something is wrong with you. Just give it time and make sure that you're doing everything that you need to do and eventually things will work themselves out. As corny as it sounds, time does heal all wounds. You aren't going to have all of your time learning poker be a waste, that will stay with you. If you take a break from it, it will come back when the time is right for you.
Take care and try not to get too discouraged. Feel free to PM me if you need advice (as crappy as it may be) or to vent or whatever.
Posted Sat Apr 08, 2006 3:49 am GMT by jimmer
yeah, thanks for that. maybe your're right.
the thing that gets me; is the fact that poker is my hobby. the one thing i want to do to relax and forget about everything else, is the one thing i'm not enjoying.
i suppose the other side of the story is this;
deep down, one day, i hope to play poker at a different level. a level that involves me playing full time-playing to a level where i can make big money. i'm sure 95% of the people on this site has the same dream!
however, the thing that worries me, is the fact that maybe i wouldn't be succesful at it, because of the blip i'm going through at the mo. yes i'm losing money, (but as i said previously, only a really small percentage of my bankroll)-but i don't think that is the problem. i'm starting to wonder if i have the mental attitude needed to survive in the poker world.
anyway thanks for your comments, and offer-it means a lot.
Posted Sat Apr 08, 2006 8:30 am GMT by MasterShake
Take a break or a while until you can get your head clear. And all my best to your mom.
Posted Mon Apr 10, 2006 9:46 am GMT by UrAteUp
Your Mom is very important to you the way it sounds and because of this you can not focus on poker. As MasterShake said take a break. Put your focus on your Mom for now and when shes better put it back onto poker. My best wishes to your Mom as well.
Posted Mon Apr 10, 2006 11:40 pm GMT by JackKingOff
Best of Luck... Hope she gets well 
Posted Tue Apr 11, 2006 11:06 am GMT by BeerWench13
I hope your mom gets well soon. I think, as was stated, that is a big distraction for you. No matter how much you try not to think about it, it's always in the back of your mind.
Regarding poker and what you've stated about your jobs, you sound like a hunter. What I mean is that everything after a while loses it's "challenge" to you and you get bored with it. Now, poker is always challenging, but if you play too much it becomes more of a habit to play then a desire. It's like job burnout. When you first start a new job there are challenges everywhere. You have to learn whatever it is you're doing as the current company does it. You have to learn your new co-workers and how to deal with them. You have to learn new policies and procedures. This is challenging.
However, after a year or two, the challenge isn't there nearly as often, if ever. You've learned your job, your co-workers, the necessary procedures, etc. It's boring now. It's mundane. It's "the grind." You need a new challenge. Something to freshen your mind a bit.
I think you may have a good idea in learning or playing another game with which you're not as familiar. Try that and see if it works. If not, then I would say your lack of enthusiasm toward poker is more related to the worry bug in your mind about your mom. If that is the case, take a break completely and find something else that can occupy your mind until the day comes that you just can't stand the thought of going one more day without playing. Then you'll get back in the groove.
Posted Tue Apr 11, 2006 3:23 pm GMT by jimmer
| BeerWench13 wrote: | Regarding poker and what you've stated about your jobs, you sound like a hunter. What I mean is that everything after a while loses it's "challenge" to you and you get bored with it. Now, poker is always challenging, but if you play too much it becomes more of a habit to play then a desire. It's like job burnout. When you first start a new job there are challenges everywhere. You have to learn whatever it is you're doing as the current company does it. You have to learn your new co-workers and how to deal with them. You have to learn new policies and procedures. This is challenging.
However, after a year or two, the challenge isn't there nearly as often, if ever. You've learned your job, your co-workers, the necessary procedures, etc. It's boring now. It's mundane. It's "the grind." You need a new challenge. Something to freshen your mind a bit.
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Yeah, good point, you could well be right. I've often thought about starting my own business. The only reason being; I'm thinking it will give me a constant focus! It will create something that keeps pushing me and it will give also give me lots of small challenges/projects indefinitely.
I'm always coming up with new ideas to "make a million", just never got the capital (or in poker terms.....bankroll!) to carry them out.
Having given it alot of thought over the weekend, I think I need to continue to develop my game. I think i'm going to walk away from the tables for a bit, but still look more indepth into calculating percentages, and/or something similar.
I think i may try and contribute a bit more to this site aswell.
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