Posted Mon May 15, 2006 2:14 pm GMT by BeerWench13
My 9th anniversary is tomorrow (yes, he's a saint!) and during our weekly game last week, the host for this week's game was trying to determine if the majority would prefer Tuesday or Thursday. I stated that Tuesday was our anniversary, so I would prefer Thursday, but if the majority voted for Tuesday, then that would be fine too. This stemmed a huge amount of conversation relating to spouses/significant others and poker.
Apparently, of the group that I play, my husband is only 1 of 2 who has a wife/gf that plays poker. They went on and on about how much trouble they'd be in if they even mentioned poker on their anniversary (including the guy whose wife plays because she doesn't do so very often any more).
Then I heard a few horror stories from a couple of guys who said that poker has become an "issue" in their relationship and that most of their arguments stem from it. Do any of you guys have this issue?
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Posted Mon May 15, 2006 2:20 pm GMT by BeerWench13
Sorry for the typos, guys. I'm having a difficult time today. 
Posted Mon May 15, 2006 2:22 pm GMT by snoogins47
Yes, and in the way it manifested itself, it was pretty much baffling.
Posted Mon May 15, 2006 2:39 pm GMT by UrAteUp
Not often but there are times when the wife will tell me to get away from the computer. She always tells me that I play too much but then she urges me to go play more....Go figure... 
When someone figures out women please write a book. I will be the first to buy a copy.... 
Seriously though there are times I know she wants to spend together and then there are times she doesn't care. I try to weigh the two out so that it doesn't become an issue.
Posted Mon May 15, 2006 2:52 pm GMT by Soup_dog
My wife thinks I play too much too. I need to make sure I keep it "low key" around her.
Posted Mon May 15, 2006 3:04 pm GMT by Johny
I don't have a wife, suckers!
Posted Mon May 15, 2006 3:12 pm GMT by BeerWench13
| Johny4444 wrote: | | I don't have a wife, suckers! |
Careful!!
Posted Mon May 15, 2006 3:19 pm GMT by jimmer
My wife thinks I spend too much time playing poker. But then I think she spends too long with her horses.
Hell, poker costs less aswell. (believe me!!!)
Posted Mon May 15, 2006 3:30 pm GMT by UrAteUp
| Johny4444 wrote: | | I don't have a wife, suckers! |
Laugh it up Johny...One day you will have a wife and then you get to deal with the same issues others do...oh and wait till you add kids. Then you'll realize kids are like a prison sentence...18 years to life....
Posted Mon May 15, 2006 3:46 pm GMT by TxShadow
When I first started playing online, my girlfriend (we live together) was apprehensive to say the least. So naturally I made an account for her, got her drunk, and "influenced" her to make a deposit. She started playing pretty regularly and now she's fine with me playing. In fact, we'll go periods of time when she's actually playing significantly more than I am.
It's cool because she's pretty into poker now (and not half bad either), which I think is key to me being able to play without worrying about pissing her off.
She's also pretty cool about stuff in general (dropped me off and picked me up from an "adult establishment" for a bachelor party so I wouldn't have to drive drunk).
Anyway, to answer the original question, I don't think poker is an issue. I think a lot of things can become "issues" if you don't have a significant other that is reasonable and open-minded. It's also important to be reasonable yourself and to be considerate of their feelings (like getting them drunk and making them do whatever it is that you like to do!)
Posted Mon May 15, 2006 4:09 pm GMT by cayouche
Same here I guess.
You see, she's a nurse, and she works mainly evening shifts. So, I try to play only when she works. If one night she's not working, I'll spend some quality time with her. That being done, she doesn't have any problem with me playing poker.
It wasn't like that at first though...
Posted Mon May 15, 2006 4:26 pm GMT by xDiamond_CutteRx
Most of the time, if Poker is an "issue," it's not the real issue. The real issue is that someone's significant other feels ignored. I know this has been the problem in my own relationship in the past, and it could have happened with any time-consuming hobby, not just Poker. The reason Poker (and gambling in general) tends to be different is that some people are really disturbed or scared by gambling, and believe their partner will somehow lose too much money.
My girlfriend has played Poker before, and I talk to her about it quite a bit. We have an understanding about it, and I always make time for her. Most of the time when I play, it's because she's either at work, in class, or studying (or asleep). Somehow though I think she likes Poker a little more when it means Hawaii trips and Steak dinners rather than me coming home and bitching for an hour about how badly I got screwed. 
Bottom line, communicate with your partners people. If your partner understand your hobbies, and you understand his/hers, your relationship will be so much better.
That's all Dr. Diamond has to say about that.
Posted Mon May 15, 2006 4:49 pm GMT by tame_deuces
Definitively, and the issue was me playing poker. What was worse that online poker completely killed my social life for a short period, but I learned my lesson.
There is always another day to pick up a big bet or two.
Posted Mon May 15, 2006 9:55 pm GMT by LeafsFan1122
I had quite the contraversial "issue" regarding poker with my parents. Since it dealt with some quite personal and emotional details though, I think I just changed my mind about writing it.
Posted Tue May 16, 2006 1:16 am GMT by supafrey
It's been an issue with alot of people. The only legitimate one was probably with the lady, who thought it was taking up time that she rightfully owned. I started paying a bit more attention to her and I was fine... and when I was over at her house i stopped playing... *cough*.
Other than that, poker is really no different than any other means to an end. It's only an issue with stupid people, really.
Posted Tue May 16, 2006 9:44 am GMT by TallBrad
I haven't played online, I just play in home games. My freind hosts one of these games, and it is a weekly game.
Now my GF has no problem with me playing in these games. Her problem comes when my freind calls me and we discuss the previous nights game, for an hour (talking about the donks in the group and some of the stupid plays being made).
She can't understand what there is to talk about, it's just a game (obviously, you can tell she doesn't play cards).
Posted Tue May 16, 2006 9:50 am GMT by Sean_in_NJ
I figured out a long time ago that I'm far too selfish to ever have a serious relationship, so it's never been an issue, poker or otherwise. I'm pretty much going to do what I want, when I want regardless of others' "needs."
In my defense, I'm up front about the whole thing, so they have no right to be surprised later.
Posted Tue May 16, 2006 9:30 pm GMT by tame_deuces
| Sean_in_NJ wrote: | I figured out a long time ago that I'm far too selfish to ever have a serious relationship, so it's never been an issue, poker or otherwise. I'm pretty much going to do what I want, when I want regardless of others' "needs."
In my defense, I'm up front about the whole thing, so they have no right to be surprised later. |
I figured out a short time ago I'm far to unselfish not to have a serious relationship. Haven't worked out so far, to this whole solo-deciding thing on relationships is overrated I think.
Posted Tue May 16, 2006 9:43 pm GMT by Sean_in_NJ
| tame_deuces wrote: | | I figured out a short time ago I'm far to unselfish not to have a serious relationship. Haven't worked out so far, to this whole solo-deciding thing on relationships is overrated I think. |
My tack is easier to maintain, I'm sure. :D
Posted Tue May 16, 2006 10:06 pm GMT by suitedaces84
| Sean_in_NJ wrote: | | I figured out a long time ago that I'm far too selfish to ever have a serious relationship... |
This is non-sense. What you need is a wife contract.
Posted Tue May 16, 2006 10:09 pm GMT by LeafsFan1122
| suitedaces84 wrote: | | Sean_in_NJ wrote: | | I figured out a long time ago that I'm far too selfish to ever have a serious relationship... |
This is non-sense. What you need is a wife contract. |
That's messed up.
Posted Wed May 17, 2006 7:47 am GMT by UrAteUp
| suitedaces84 wrote: | | Sean_in_NJ wrote: | | I figured out a long time ago that I'm far too selfish to ever have a serious relationship... |
This is non-sense. What you need is a wife contract. |
...hey Suited...you got one of these contracts?... .
Posted Wed May 17, 2006 11:28 am GMT by supafrey
I love how everyone doesn't see poker as an addictive and pervasive issue in their lives... Just because the house doesn't "rig" it against us doesn't make it any safer to play. The reason they think it's an "issue" is because it very well can be with alot of people.
I'd be shocked if 1/2 the people on this forum weren't big fat liars and routine losers. I would put money on there being several habitual degenerates out of the regulars alone.... Poker can be very, very bad for some people.
Posted Wed May 17, 2006 11:46 am GMT by BeerWench13
| supafrey wrote: | | I love how everyone doesn't see poker as an addictive and pervasive issue in their lives... |
Put the pipe down, hon. No one here said this.
| supafrey wrote: | | I would put money on there being several habitual degenerates out of the regulars alone.... Poker can be very, very bad for some people. |
Agreed. However, there is a difference between it being an issue because you lost the house and the car, and your wife/girlfriend/significant other not having a hobby of their own and requiring your time to entertain them. With most of those that I spoke, the monetary side was not the issue.
Posted Wed May 17, 2006 1:22 pm GMT by supafrey
it's an addiction. a less damaging one than others, but a pretty strong one nonetheless. knowing that you're addicted isn't somehow more benevolent than not if you aren't doing anything to stop it.
Posted Wed May 17, 2006 1:26 pm GMT by BeerWench13
Well, I'm addicted. I've admitted that numerous times. However, my addiction isn't an issue in my relationship. Partially because he's addicted as well and partially because I won't spend more than I can afford to lose. There has only been one time ever, since I started playing poker, that I've bought in for more than I had planned. I try to blame that night on the numerous shots of Henry McKenna, but I knew what I was doing. I beat myself up for that for weeks after and wouldn't allow myself to play again for a while until I was positive that my will power was stronger than my addiction.
Posted Wed May 17, 2006 2:22 pm GMT by snoogins47
Supa may give us all too little credit, and be blunt, but he's got a point. I don't know if I'd call it an addiction in the normal sense with me, since I seriously averaged like 7-8 hours a week last year... but ostensibly I'm a 'winner' and it still f*ck with my head/life for sure. I actually looked back in April and wondered where the hell the money came from.
Supa: The only point I'll argue with you on, is that knowing your addicted is intrinsically better than not knowing, even if you're not stopping it. As far as I'm concerned, self-awareness is superior to ignorance, even if it's equally as damaging.
However, as somebody who 'made a living' playing cards, and still had my confidence as destroyed as it was, I can't imagine the folks who actually lose. Seriously, people, make sure this is something a)you're good at, or b)you can afford. I probably fit somewhat into both categories and I still hated the game :/
Posted Wed May 17, 2006 3:36 pm GMT by UrAteUp
I too agree with Supa in that poker is an addiction. It is one I can walk away from and to be honest I really only play about 3 hours a day. Weekends I will play more but weekdays I play before work (45 min.). I also get the luxery to play at lunch (30-45 min.) and in the evenings 3 nights a week not counting weekends. I limit my evening time to about 2 hours max.
As far as loosing...nah...I do not loose too often in poker. Am I making a killing?...oh hell no!!! For the most part I make about $7 an hour playing poker. If I averaged it out between winning and losing it is probably more like $4 an hour. Again though this is all done at the micros of $0.05/$0.10 or less. I only play what I can afford and have only bought in once in the last year of online play. I am still playing off of my original buy-in or what was left of it after cashing most of it out. Not bad if I do say so myself.
Posted Wed May 17, 2006 3:52 pm GMT by Johny
I only play around 1/2-1 hour a day. I feel that playing longer affects me.
Posted Wed May 17, 2006 4:44 pm GMT by supafrey
| Quote: | | Supa: The only point I'll argue with you on, is that knowing your addicted is intrinsically better than not knowing, even if you're not stopping it. As far as I'm concerned, self-awareness is superior to ignorance, even if it's equally as damaging |
Maybe. I take issue with the superiority complex I see people getting when they somehow figure it out. Alot of people do it with several personal characteristics, but addiction is definitely one of them.
Posted Mon May 22, 2006 3:53 pm GMT by lwestatbus
| UrAteUp wrote: | | When someone figures out women please write a book. I will be the first to buy a copy.... |
I came home from Iraq in early 2004 to discover televised poker and from there online play. Prior to that I'd played nothing but really rare family dealer's choice home games and a few dealer's choice Army games twenty-five years ago. But I took to Hold 'em like a duck to water and realized that this was something I really wanted to get involved with. Fortunately, I had a pretty solid history of spending time with spouse and kids. Didn't watch a lot of sports, didn't hang out in bars (drinking at home is cheaper) didn't spend all weekend on the golf course (I suck at it), etc. I was pretty sensitive to family time from balancing a full time civilian job and LOTS of time away from home with the Army Reserve.
I sat down and negotiated with my wife both on finances and time. This was the same time I finally retired from the Reserves and we are on different sleep cycles so I get most of my play in late at night (10:00 to the end of Leno's monologue) after she's asleep. And I schedule play for other times and let her know in advance when I'd like to play.
Of course, none of this works. There are still the snide remarks to her sisters, occassional, "How late were you up last night?," questions, but never a straight up complaint. But every few months I feel the need to bring it out in the open. Since I think I've handled my play, both time and money, responsibly I'm a little sensitive about criticism. I don't make it a federal case, but I will dig my heels in on something that I really like.
So clearly there's an issue. I think it's unfair when it crops up. And I'm defensive about it. But everyone here knows that being right doesn't win the relationship argument--See UrAteUp's quote above. But that's how it is.
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