Posted Tue Mar 20, 2007 10:30 am GMT by vyni
Saw this on a blog site, thought it was mildly amusing.
The Chuck Norris lists were better, but still good for a few laughs.
Phil Gordon’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
The chief export of Phil Gordon is the check raise.
Phil Gordon recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Phil Gordon can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying 'booya'.
Phil Gordon sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled poker ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Phil beat the devil in a heads-ups match and won his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Phil Gordon does not sleep. He waits.
Phil Gordon has every copy of Card Player Magazine in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.
If you can see Phil Gordon, he can see you. If you can’t see Phil Gordon you may be only seconds away from death.
Those aren’t credits that roll after Celebrity Poker Showdown, it is actually a list of people that Phil Gordon busted that day.
Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, “WWPGD?”
Phil Gordon can divide by zero.
Phil Gordon’s hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.
Phil Gordon’s dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Phil Gordon will not take shit from anyone.
Phil Gordon is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… The only thing fear has to fear is Phil Gordon.
Phil Gordon can create a rock so heavy that even he can’t lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the &*!@# Phil Gordon is.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Phil Gordon.
Phil Gordon frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Phil Gordon owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Phil Gordon ends every relationship with “Its not me, its you”.
The most effective way to lose your entire bankroll known to man is to type “Phil Gordon” into Google and hit “I’m Feeling Lucky!”.
Phil Gordon doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Phil Gordon counted to infinity - twice.
Most men are OK with their wives fantasizing about Phil Gordon during sex, because they are doing the same thing.
They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Phil Gordon. He doesn’t have to.
Phil Gordon refers to himself in fourth person.
Phil Gordon once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now the Islands.
When Phil Gordon sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only an offer to play the government heads-up. Phil Gordon has not had to pay taxes ever.
Phil Gordon once had a near death experience. Needless to say, Death now refuses to come near him.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Phil Gordon.
Phil Gordon does not go to play poker because the word play infers the probability of failure. Phil Gordon goes winning.
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Posted Tue Mar 20, 2007 11:05 am GMT by Ensano
| vyni wrote: | | Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits. |
I've got that engraved on the back of my ipod...
in my defense I did buy it some time ago...
Posted Tue Mar 20, 2007 11:45 am GMT by xDiamond_CutteRx
Of all the players to say this about, not sure Phil Gordon would be at the top of my list. I'm not going to hate on the guy like the 2+2 jerks, but he hardly has the world's best results.
Posted Tue Mar 20, 2007 12:17 pm GMT by MrDarling
Phil who?
From all the top players he has got the least attention from.... me.
change it to Helmut and I'm laughing all day long.
change to Ivy and I agree with most statements there.
Change to Laak and I'm like, no way. Laak is the devil that made that deal with Ivy.
Posted Tue Mar 20, 2007 1:53 pm GMT by exit music
Phil Gordon is a douchebag and a sketchy know-it-all commentator.
Here's a funny video of Phil playing HU online
http://www.pokerdynasty.net/jds-vs-phil-gordon
Posted Tue Mar 20, 2007 2:15 pm GMT by Sean_in_NJ
Aren't the majority of these, like > 90%, exactly the same as the Chuck Norris lists with the name changed to Phil Gordon, or am I missing something?
Posted Tue Mar 20, 2007 2:38 pm GMT by wEbMaStEr
| Sean_in_NJ wrote: | | Aren't the majority of these, like > 90%, exactly the same as the Chuck Norris lists with the name changed to Phil Gordon, or am I missing something? |
As far as I can see, yes.
Phil Gordon substituted for Chuck Norris
Poker substituted for Roundhouse kick to the face
The only difference is that all these things are true about Chuck, whereas i spose they're ironic? when applied to Gordon.
Posted Wed Mar 21, 2007 11:54 pm GMT by TheSalche
Why the hell did the pick Phil Gordon ... he doesn't even have a bracelet, really any big tourney wins, and I don't think he plays in the big game and if he did I bet he's a loser.
Hell, I'd put Hellmuth in there before I'd put Gordon in those quotes.
Posted Thu Mar 22, 2007 3:36 am GMT by xDiamond_CutteRx
My favorite one is "(insert name here) doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the Earth down."
Posted Thu Mar 22, 2007 8:36 am GMT by Ensano
personal favorite....
when Chuck Norris jumps into the water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris...
Posted Thu Mar 22, 2007 8:42 am GMT by UrAteUp
| xDiamond_CutteRx wrote: | | My favorite one is Urateup doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the Earth down." |
Thanks DC...never thought you thought so highly about me...or wait is that a crack at my weight?..  .
Change the name to any number of good players and you got something with this Phil Gordon/Chuck Norris thing. Change it to forum members and you got something so funny you'll wet your pants laughing...oh wait..  ... that might be my incontinence from old age... 
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